Are you looking for someone with whom to be happy? Somenone other than your partner? Or maybe you don‘t have a partner? Wait, you don‘t even want a partner? For all these desires, doubts and needs there is a solution – and luckily for you you have arrived at the I, the Ideal Partner webpage!
I, the Ideal Partner is a dynamic Czech enterprise lending partners for your personal use. We offer a safe, healthy, optimistic, up-to-date answer to your needs. We are able to provide you with any kind of partner in a reasonable way. Our ideal partners obligations end where the physical borders – or the borders of dignity – begin. Don‘t worry. You are not rushing into new problems with us. You are getting rid of the original ones!
You will find the various kinds of partner available under “Druhy partnerů”. For those who don‘t speak any Slavic language we will prepare the English translation of the list, currently still under construction.
In addition to lending partners we are also able to advise you freely. If you send us your questions concerning the partnership and other psychological issues, Dr. Petr Zádrhel, M. D. will provide you with a highly qualified answer (“Doktor Zádrhel odpovídá”).
We are able to reply to your questions in Czech, English, French, Spanish, Slovak and Ururu. You will find the contact under “Kontakt”. “Zádrhel” means “obstacle” in Czech – what a funny coincidence, don‘t you think?
Well, a couple of Doctor Zádrhel’s hilarious answers to your questions, including some feedback, follow:
Q: My friend insists on wearing a ski helmet during the intercourse. What shall I do? Milena A: Dear Milena, given the number of the ski accidents caused by not using ski helmets, your friend’s attitude is fully understandable! The only problem is if he is wearing the helmet AND the ski goggles – in which case we are probably facing a case of a deliberate change of indentity. Let’s be frank with ourselves – who wouldn’t like to be someone else, sometimes?
Q: Dear Doctor, my husband wants to shut himself in the freezer. Isn’t this weird? Jana K. A: Let him do that, dear Jana. If you get him out after some time and hug him, you will feel him literally „melting“ in your embrace. Your friend is probably longing for an old-fashioned-family-happiness feeling, when a shivering lumberjack used to return to the cabin, and his wife’s embrace felt warm if only because of the temperature contrast. How big is your freezer, by the way?
Q: Doctor, my husband is snoring terribly. I am not reproaching him for anything... except for my constant sleepiness. Ivona Janská A: Dear Mrs. Janská, I understand you fully. Snoring is one of the obstacles that can be a problem even to the most harmonious relationship. There are different techniques aimed at keeping the mandible up. You can use a rope, or you can squeeze your husband’s head the same way wrestlers do - it’s quite similar to strangling. Another method is based on forcibly turning the sleeper onto his stomach. None of these methods are exactly comfortable either for you, or for the sleeper. Than you can think about sealing the air channels, i. e. nose and mouth. I can recommend a fast superglue called Super-Seal. The breathing will be provided for through a straw, implanted into your husband’s neck with a little help from a pocket knife.
Q: Doctor I would like to confess to you something that I haven‘t told anyone. While making love with my partner I am dreaming wildly that I am having six pairs of hands. Like the Indian goddesses. To caress my partner everywhere. Am I normal? Jiřinka A: Dear Jiřinka, yes, you are. My congratulations on your full-bodied enjoyment of physical love. I can recommend you obtain some artifical, prosthetic hands. With sufficient financial backing you can get even electronic, fully mobile models controlled by electronic chips, which I will be happy to implant personally into your brain.
Q: Dear Doctor, I have heard about a new weight-lossmethod „al dente“. Do you have any idea what the heck this means? Kamila Prstová A: Dear Mrs. Prstová, the „al dente“ method belongs to the natural methods, which are not aggressive to your body. Using this method your dentist will drill your tooth without closing it afterwards. Eating becomes an adrenalin experience at once and you will be happy to eat as little as possible. Choice of the particular tooth in question is up to you. Some clients tend to have several teeth drilled. Happy weight-loss!
Q: Why are men not able to understand SMS messages sent by women? K. Vlažný A: Dear Mr. Vlažný, probably I will bring you some calm by saying that men don’t understand the women, even if they are talking, singing or crying. The possible explanation suggesting that while receivening an SMS the male recipient can’t see the women’s body language can‘t be confirmed. Experiments with video conferencing have proved this explanation wrong. As a professional I can tell you that both sexes are doomed not to understand each other. Let‘ s look at it from the positive point of view. What fun you can have when you decipher a woman’s SMS and clarify the result with her personally afterwards!
An acknowledgment: I, the Ideal Partner wishes to thank Steven Fisher, a devoted client of our company, for his comments on the English language version.